“It takes two to make a relationship work.”
Pretty simple, right? The quote is usually used in the context of a romantic relationship, but it applies to platonic ones as well. And that’s what I want to discuss today, though I think the principle can be applied to romantic relationships as well, just on a deeper, more intimate level.
So, lately I’ve been trying to reconnect with old friends from secondary school, mostly as an effort to be more outgoing. Hopefully expanding my social circle in the process and maybe finally find that someone special… A fellow writer. >_< Seriously though, it’s freaking hard to find a reader where I live, let alone a writer.
I’ve found that I’ve been able to reconnect with about 25% of the people I’ve reached out to. And they share two main traits. I was pretty good friends with them back in the day, and they’re naturally sociable people. So it was easy to reconnect with them. It feels almost like we’ve never lost touch with each other. What about the rest of them? We never reestablished our relationship. Some people changed and some, I realized, had only been friends because we happened to be seat next to each other in secondary school.
Where was I? Oh yeah, it takes two to maintain a relationship. It’s hard to maintain a one sided relationship. When you’re “busy” one too many times, or when you never initiate a hangout, it just makes me feel like I’m clingy on to a dead corpse, who somehow is reanimated each time I press a button. And that feeling sucks.
I’m not in the clear in that regard either. There’s a reason why I needed to reconnect with these people. I’m not a social butterfly. I used to be quite outgoing when I was younger. But somehow, as I grew up, I became more and more antisocial, preferring to stay at home. Totally not the fault of video games and books. At all. It hit its peaked in my undergrad years. I would just go to campus for classes and group meetings and went home straight after that. I didn’t join any clubs, and I never stayed back for group study. I hardly made the effort to maintain a relationship with anyone. So in a way, it’s a taste of my own medicine.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is the obvious thing. A relationship is a give and take. A push and a pull. If one side is doing all the pushing, then something is wrong with the relationship. Reevaluate the relationships you have in your life and see if you spot this trend. Maybe it’s time to cut ties. Maybe it’s time to start pushing back. Unless that’s your high school stalker, in which case it’s probably best if you ignore it.