This past two years, I’ve started to see an alarming number of former classmates getting married. Some even have a kid or two. Most are just acquaintances and a few are old friends that I’ve long since lost contact with. In other words, I wasn’t invited to their weddings, so I didn’t really noticed it. But a few of my closer friends are planning to tie the knots sometime soon. And it makes me wonder, what the hell am I doing with my life?
Other friends are working overseas, earning big money and taking yearly vacations to who knows where. Others have taken out loans to buy new imported cars and invest in houses. And what am I doing? I’m still studying.
And no, I’m not saying I want to get married or have a kid, or even buy a car or own a house, but it does make me wonder where I am in life. Okay, I’m lying if it doesn’t bother me, but it’s not the point of this post. No, what I want to say is that these people my age are doing “adult” stuff and I feel like I’m still stuck in kiddy fantasy land.
While people my age are discussing the best way to earn money, what funds to invest in or what stocks to buy, I’m looking at when Persona 5 is coming out and following the checking new sites to see if any new info has dropped. While they are talking about dowry, or politics, or about possibly migrating, I find myself checking the progress bar on Brandon Sanderson’s website and wondering when the percentage for Stormlight 3 is going to increase.
I mean, it’s not like I don’t think about those kind of stuff, I just feel ill equipped to handle them. Like I’m not an adult yet. I wonder if I’ll still feel the same way when I start working. I know people always say fake it till you make it, or you won’t know until you try but it still scares me a little. I feel like I still have a lot of “growing up” to do.
So what is maturity anyway? Wikipedia says maturity is the ability to react to environments in an appropriate manner. And “appropriate” links to social norms. It also says that maturity is something that is learned rather than something that is instinctive. Boy, I hope I learn it and I learn it soon, because right now, I’m feeling like a lamb being prepped to be thrown into a den of lions.
Personally, I think that maturity has two main facets. The first is to be responsible. And the second is to realize that some dreams can only be dreams. The first one is probably easier for me, not that it is easy per se. I just need to step in and start steering the ship instead of following the flow of the river.
The second? The second is hard. But I know some of what I want is unachievable, simply because I won’t have enough time to do everything I want. This is just going to be worst when I start working 9-5. Unless I somehow struck gold, I’ll have to let some things go eventually. (Sidenote, I’ve recently got a spam mail that said I won a 800k lottery. Boy, if only that was real.) Thus far, I think I’ll still be able to keep on writing and blogging. Who knows what will happen next year?
Thanks for reading this little rant of mine. So what about you? Do you think you are mature? What does maturity mean to you?